Name: DaSolution

Title: Burn Them Sheets!

Disclaimer: I do not belong to any White or Black Supremacist groups WHATSOVER!  This is just a fiction story, all the crap that the KKK has done in their history is not.  Uncle Rukus from the cartoon “The Boondocks” belongs to his creator, Aaron McGruder.

Author Notes:  This story was hastily done and it’s not complete.  I’m putting it up because I don’t know if I’ll ever complete it.

Summary:  While at their big meeting in Stone Mountain, Georgia we finish off the KKK.

Stone Mountain, Georgia, USA:

The annual Klu Klux Klan (KKK) rally was taking place at Stone Mountain.  It was considered to be the most important rally for them.  Many idiots, I mean members came from all over the US to “celebrate” their worthless existence.  It was something I and the rest of my crew were looking forward to.  I wanted to eliminate those bastards for a long time but I never had enough manpower or weapons to do it.  Now I finally got the manpower and the weapons to wipe out those worthless whiteys.  Usually my focus is on fags, dykes, and bi-sluts but on that day my focus was on a group I hate almost as much as I hate those people, racist rednecks.

I’ll admit that I’m no better than they are but I also know that if I kill a few of those mother fuckers I’ll sleep better at night.

We came in disguised as Klan members.  That would be the ONLY time I’ll ever wear sheets! Some of the more important people in my organisation came with me on this trip including my boy Steelz who runs the organisation when I’m gone on my “trips.” Thanks to our training we were able to blend in with those losers without any problems.  What those trailer-trashes assholes didn’t know was that there were other people in my organisation hiding with enough ammo to take on the local National Guard, which was nothing new since we’ve done that quite a few times before.

In order in infiltrate their rally we had to lower ourselves to their level, which was probably below sea level.  We prepared ourselves for this by learning their culture.  We watched lots of Country Music Television, NASCAR, WWE, Dukes of Hazzard, Hunting and Fishing shows, and Jeff Foxworthy stand-up comedies.  We also listened to Shock Jock radio programs, Country music and Neo-Conservative-sponsored radio stations.  We hung around with Wal-Mart shoppers and wrestling fan, or as they say down there “rasslin’!”  That was one of the hardest trainings I’ve ever done for if I watched another episode of “Hee-Haw” I think I would have suffered some permanent brain damage.

We had to adapt to their diet which consist of piss-beer like Budweiser, pork rinds, and anything deep-fried and barbeque.  Now I come from a culture that has lots of fried and barbequed foods but I’m a vegan plus I don’t drink any alcohol.  During our training while we were trying our best to drink that crappy Budweiser beer, one of my crew members said something very stupid…

“WHAZZZUP!!!!”

So I took the bottle and smashed it on his head.

“That’s what’s up!  Now shut da fuck up and continue your training!”

Then we had to learn how to talk like an inbred thus I had to be careful not to use any proper British Commonwealth vocabulary and grammar.  I got “How ya doin’!” down pat and I remembered a lot of those stupid “Deep South” expressions. By the time we finished the training I felt like my IQ had dropped to 81.

While during our training I learned about the history of the KKK.  It started out as something of a fraternity for bored American Southern white males during the reconstruction period America had after the civil war of the early 1860s.  It was nothing like what it is today for they just had silly meetings and parties.  Just like any fraternity they had their own special laws and stupid practical jokes. One of them was during Halloween when they dressed up as “ghosts” and were scaring African-Americans by pretending to be “ghosts of Confederate soldiers.”  It was from that sick joke came the mother-fucking organisation we have today.

By then I knew we were ready to take on those bastards, but before we went to the rally I made a speech to my crew:

“It’s time for us to crack these cracker’s skulls open.  They’ve been burning too many crosses in our backyards and making our lives miserable.  It’s time to return the favour back to them and make their lives miserable.  Show no mercy to these homicidal honkies.  They didn’t show any mercy when they hanged our ancestors, when they enslaved our ancestors and got free labour off of them or when they accused our ancestors of raping their women.  They didn’t show any mercy when they sent our grandparents to internment camps and reserves or when they robbed the land that our ancestors lived on for centuries and striped it for all its worth.”

“They didn’t show any mercy when they stole all the gold and jewellery from our land, when they called us and our ancestors names like ‘darkie’ or ‘chink’ or ‘redskin’ or ‘nigger’ behind our backs and in front of our faces, or when they gave us and our ancestors death sentences for killing one of their own yet they freely let go of those who killed many of us.  They didn’t show any mercy when they allowed their businesses to buy up our lands, privatise our waters, pollute our soils, mutate our crops, trick us into eating their junk foods, and brainwash us to believe in that myth called ‘Jesus Christ’ just so that they can use it to control us.  They didn’t show any mercy in the land that was formerly Mexico during the 1840s, in the Prairies during the late 1800s, in the Pacific West Coast during World War II, in the American South during the 60s, in Greensboro, North Carolina during 1979, in Miami during 1980, and especially in Halifax, Canada during the late 60s.“

“And most of all they didn’t show any mercy when they exploited us to advance themselves out of our expense, yet they have the nerve to call us backwards!”  So think about all those things before you show any mercy to those pasty rice cakes. Make it as bloody and as horrifying as much as you can so that we can make our statement very clear that we are not to be fucked with and also we won’t take anymore of their bullshit!  It will never be as bloody and as horrifying as to all the shit they’ve done to us.  Show no mercy. SHOW NO MERCY!”

While at that god-damn shithole rally I was observing the atmosphere.  There were so many white people you can actually smell it in the air!  The scary part was that most of them didn’t take a bath!  There were lots of barbequing going on, Budweiser and Miller beer bottles all over the place, and many NASCAR, American football and even hockey discussions going on.  At first I was surprised to hear a hockey discussion but then I remembered why hockey was popular to those low-life losers, there are hardly any minority players in that stupid sport.  There were of course discussions about how the white race was superior and how all the other races were inferior to the whites.  I also heard quite a few praises of Adolph Hitler from various discussions.

During my time at the rally I saw a few shock jocks, country music singers, several televangelists, former Klan leader David Duke, comedian Michael Richardson, and many Republican/GOP members. That didn’t surprise me much for I was expecting to see a few of those bastards there.  I was a little bit surprised to see Tory members from Canada and Britain but not too much, I just didn’t think they would come all that way to the rally.  However was I saw next didn’t surprised me as much as it disturbed me.  I saw some African-American conservative supporters like Clarence Thomas, Armstrong Williams, Larry Elders, J.C. Watts, and Uncle Ruckus.  I can’t believe these mother fuckers would go so low as to attend this crap.

But things got even worse when I listened to their conversation.  They were talking to a white KKK member:

“Thank you for inviting us here white man.  It’s an honour to come here and celebrate your achievements. We all know that the white man created all these wonderful buildings and machines. He invented all the medicine that cures us.  He took us out of the jungle and took care of us when we were his slaves.  It is the white man who also invented wonderful concepts that we blacks benefitted from such as ‘capitalism’, ‘free market’, ‘flat taxes’ and ‘welfare’.” That dark-as-molasses-punk Uncle Ruckus said.

“Yes I am glad that you invited us for we are not worthy to be in your presence.”  Armstrong Williams added.

“Dat’s no problem at all since ya niggers are da best kind.  I wish mo’ were like ya!” said some stupid KKK cracker.

“I drink to that!” Clarence Thomas said while sipping on some Coke.

After hearing all that mother-fucking bullshit I wanted to pull my gun out and blast those mother fuckers.

After a while we heard some speeches from members and guess speaker.  One of them was quite remarkable…

“I hate niggers cuz dey suck up all da air wit’ their big noses!  I hate chinks cuz dey look an’ talk funny!  I hate spics cuz they’re dirty an’ filthy an’ can’t speak no English!  I hate redskins cuz dey think dis land belongs to dem. Well I got sumthin’ to tell ya feather-wearing gooks and everyone else, dis is our land ya an’ we can do what we want!  WHITE POWER!”

Believe it or not that was one of the more civilised speeches during the rally.

When it was time for the Klan to light up the big cross I knew that would be the perfect time to attack the Klan.  I told my crew to wait until I gave them my signal before we take action.  When they started to burn the big cross I raised my right fist up in the air, which was my signal to attack.  As soon as I done that my men started firing at those assholes.  We also had the music of Rage Against the Machine’s “Killing In the Name” pumped out loud as well.  A few of my men had flame throwers and torched a few of those jerks.  One of them tried to shoot me but I was quicker to the draw and shot him with my shotgun.  Another tried to come from behind but I smashed his face with the end of my shotgun and then blasted him to the stomach.

“Kill those pale bastards!  Leave no survivors except the Grand Wizard because we want to save the best for last!  Remember to show no mercy!”

I was enjoying every minute of this carnage.  I was fuelled by rage of what these mother fuckers have done. I had no remorse of my actions for if they had the chance they would do the same thing.  There were gunshots and burning flesh everywhere and I was enjoying every bit of it.  Bloody corpses of those losers were all over the place.  It was literally a bloodbath since my white robe turned into red.  During our rampage I saw Uncle Ruckus trying to escape so I quickly cornered him in a tent.  I had my shotgun pointed to his head when he told me this:

“You poach monkey! You ungrateful, banana-peeling, knuckles-dragging, baboon nigga!  After all the wonderful things the white man had done for you this is how you pay him back!”

“Yeah he sure did a lot of wonderful things, like keeping us in the projects, cutting funds to our schools, using their police to physically assault us, and many more.  Did you know when I was a young boy the white man destroyed my neighbourhood and forced my family to live in the projects?  Do you know how he delivered our furniture and our clothing, huh?  DO YOU?!  He put our furniture, our clothes, and the rest of our possessions in a garbage truck.  That’s how wonderful the white man is!”

Even to this day my blood still boils up when I think about what had happen to my old neighbourhood.

“I wanted to do this for a long time.  You’re an embarrassment to the rest of us you white man-praising, house nigga!”  Rarely do I ever say the word “nigga” but in his case it was quite appropriate to do so.

Then I shot him right at his head.  His head blew up to pieces like a smashed cantaloupe. But that wasn’t the end yet, I saw the Grand Wizard.

Then a few minutes after I killed Uncle Rukus I saw Clarence Thomas trying to run away, so I chased after him and I was able to capture him 15 seconds later.  I grabbed him by his neck with my nails digging into his skin and slammed him down the ground.  Then I grabbed him again and smashed his face with my knee.  Clarence’s face was bloody and he was missing a few of his teeth.

“Who sent you here, Anita Hill or Pepsi?”

“No mother fucker, I came here to kick your dumb, Oreo-cookie, sell-out ass!”

So I grabbed my favourite weapon, The Solution.  It's a modified cricked bat with titanium in the centre so it’s more effective when I crack people skulls.  I got it from my trip to England.  Now it’s time for me to teach him a lesson.

“This is for being a sell-out.” CRACK!

“And this is for being a coon.” CRACK!

“And this is for being an Uncle Tom.”  CRACK!

“And this is for being born.” CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

I was gonna hit him for marrying a white woman but then I remembered that I was also married to one a long time ago.  At that moment he was lying on the ground bleeding and was moaning in pain, but I wasn’t done with him yet.  I turned him over and stepped on his throat with my shotgun at point-blank range.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.  Good bye Uncle Thomas.”  I aimed my shotgun at his forehead and then I pulled the trigger on the bitch.  That mother fucker was finally dead.  I think I did a huge favour to the community.

Then one of my crew caught the former Grand Wizard of the KKK, David Duke.

“Yo’ come over here, we got that KKK mother fucker David Duke.”

“Alright I’ll be there.”

So I came over there and I took a long at that slimy bastard.  I wanted to spit on his face so badly, so with all the phlegm and cold in my throat I spewed one nasty, disgusting, grimy spit at his face.  Then I told him:

“David Duke, you tried to make the KKK more politically correct, but everybody saw through that bullshit.  Just because you’re college educated and you wear a suit instead of a robe doesn’t mean you’re any better than the rest of those slack jaw yokels.”

So I grabbed him by his hair and slammed him twice on a tree, face first. Then I stomped on his ball twice just for the hell of it.  He was screaming in pain but I didn’t give a shit.  After that I stomped on it two more times because it felt good the first time.  I was gonna kill him right there but I didn’t want to take all the fun away from my crew, so I told them to do their worse on him.  A few minutes later he eyes were gouged out, he had cut marks all over his body and he had his balls cut off.

Now we turned our attention to the Grand Wizard, the leader of that piece of shit organisation.  Thomas Robb was his name.  My men caught him earlier but we waited until we killed all the other important people.  So we found a cross and tied him to the cross.  Then we nailed his hands to the cross with a pike. After that I smashed his legs with The Solution.  He was screaming in agony but he had enough pain tolerance to tell me this:

“Boy!  God will kill you for this, you savage bastard!”

My response was:

“First of all, I’m not a boy, I’m a grown-ass man.  Second of all I don’t believe in that God bullshit.  There is no God because if it did exist God will have killed you and the rest of the honkey cracker rednecks for all the shit that you’ve done.”

Then we nailed his hands to the cross and then we poured gasoline on him.  Finally I lit the match and threw it on him, he was roasting like a pig on an open-pit barbeque, like the pig he was.  Then Steelz told me something important, “We got word that there are some Neo-Nazis in Chicago.”  For the first time all day I had a big smile on my face.  It rivalled that of the Joker’s.

“Neo-Nazis in Chi-Town?  Sweet!”