Untitled Document

Name: DaSolution
Title: This Bloody Island - Part 4: To Nick A Scot.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Bad Girls, they belong to Shed Productions.
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Nikki/Helen, Trisha, Al McKenzie
Rating: R
Summary: This is a Nikki/Helen story, but a VERY different one.

Chapter 1: Witless Protection Programme

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since my Good Friday killing spree, that's what BBC News calls it. I was actually in Liverpool for five days visiting old friends then I went to Halifax for a day because well, I have to visit any place that calls itself 'Halifax' ;-) After that I went to Ireland for a short while. I didn't last too long there because I started my queer hunting there and they paid me to leave their country since I was affecting tourism and business there. Who said that hunting those people doesn't pay? ;-) Now I'm back in London, trying to figure out what should be my next move. I was thinking of going to Larkhall and killing off Sheena Williams and Pat Kerrigan, then I though of taking care of Samantha Fox and her lover. I know that the Queen would probably knight me on that one since no one in the UK likes her anymore. However in the back of my mind I knew that something was missing. I didn't know what it was until Jim told me some potentially good news.

"Hey mate, I got some good news for you."

"What could it be Jim?"

"Well someone that I know in the Witness Protection Programme knows where Nikki Wade and Helen Stewart located. They went into the programme after the police found the hit list you accidentally left in the hotel the last time you were here, they saw their names on it. Nikki and Helen also know that you were good friends with DC Gossard, the bloke that Nikki killed when he was trying to rape Trisha."

That was a very stupid and careless mistake that I made, leaving my hit list. For that point on, I always have my hit list in my PDA. Then it hit me, that's what's missing! Those two Fanny Fluffers. (Fanny = Pussy here in England)

"Yes I remember my pal Gossard, I wanted to get revenge for that incident, So you mean they are in the Witless Protection Program?"

"No, it's the Witness Protection Programme, why are you calling it 'Witless'?

"Because you gotta be witless to think it would actually help protect you from me."

We just laughed.

"However since this information is crucial, he is asking for 8,000 pounds."

"8,000 POUNDS! How the hell can we come up with that money?"

"I don't know mate, I just don't know." Jim said while trying to think of something.

For a while we were both quiet trying to think of ways to get that type of money, and then it finally hit me.

"I got it! I know how we can make that money and have fun at the same time."

"You do? Please tell me!"

So I told him the plan and then told him to get all the weapons and equipment ready for tomorrow night.

"Ok the Raging Bulldagger has been sharpend and the Solution has been cleaned. Both are ready." Jim said.

"Good, then we are all set then."

For those who haven't read the first three other parts of this series (you should). The Raging Bulldagger is a is a strong and sturdy dagger with a bull's head at the bottom and decorated with sapphires on one side and black triangles on another. The Solution is a modified cricket bat with titanium in the centre and the colors of the rainbow flag at the tip of the bat (just so I can rub it on those people when I beat the shit out of them.) The Sapphire Sisters were a group of super-large, man-hating, Amazonian dyke bitches that I battled with for a long time. They wore a big and elaborate sapphire ring, even more fancier than the ring that Fenner gave to Betts.

END OF PART 4, CHAPTER 1

Name: DaSolution
Title: This Bloody Island - Part 4: To Nick A Scot
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Bad Girls, they belong to Shed Productions.
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Nikki/Helen, Trisha, Al McKenzie
Rating: R
Summary: I finally catch up to Nikki and Helen

Chapter 2: Dyke Nyte at Chix

The next afternoon we arrived at Chix, a nightclub formerly owned by Nikki Wade and her ex-lover Trisha. It was Dyke Nyte at Chix and I felt this was the perfect time to pull off our plan.

"OK Jim, we will first take care of Trish. She lives on the upper floor above the club. They will still have the nightclub running because like the old saying goes 'the show must go on'."

Jim then continues "I will have the bouncers set up in the building so they will lock up the club when we get in. We will then put on our fake women body parts, wigs, and clothes. After that we go into the club and go straight to the gents toilet. In there we change to our black clothes and come out with our weapons."

"Then we rob the shit out of those dykes and then..."

We both just smiled. Jim added "We will be bloody rich by the time the night is over."

"Indeed."

We were able to sneak in through the back door. We quietly walked all the way up to Trisha's room while hoping that no one hears us or sees us. Eventually we got up to Trisha's room and knocked.

"Hi Trisha."

She was about to scream but Jim quickly covered her mouth.

"OK Trish you're coming with us. Don't say a word or else." I had my Magnum right on her head.

We were able to get out of the building quietly without anyone hearing or seeing us. We then took Trisha all the way to a forest outside of London.

She got out of the car and I was standing a few feet away from her while Jim was behind her. We walked about a kilometre into the forest and then we stopped.

"What are you two doing? Why did you bring me here? You know I'm no longer with Nikki."

"We know that very well." I said.

"Look, if you want information on where Nikki is located I can't be of much help. She pretty much disappeared after she sold her half of the business."

"No we know where she is located."

"Then what do you want from me? Why did you bring me here?" she said.

We didn't say a word to her, but I think after a short while it she figured out what was going on.

"Oh my God, you brought me out here to kill me! Please don't kill me, please!" she was beginning to scream and cry like crazy.

"Who said I was going to kill you?" I told her while showing her my empty hands.

Then Jim pulled out the Raging Bulldagger and quickly stabbed her in the neck. It was quick since we didn't feel like wasting our time killing her. We went and buried her body deep in the forest.

We then went back to Jim's place and start planning for the next action.

---------------------------------

It was around 11:00 PM when we decided it was time to put our plan into action.

The two bouncers we hired are now in the building.

"Now that they're in the building let's get the plan started."

So me and Jim put on our fake woman parts, clothes, and wigs and went to the front entrance of the club. We told the girl at the front entrance that we were men who were in the process of becoming women. She accepted us and we were able to pay in and go into the club. As soon as we got into the club we went straight to the men's washroom.

"I hope no one comes in Jim."

"Don't worry mate, we're the only men in this building. Besides I locked the door to make sure no one else does come in here.

So we quickly changed to our black clothes. Black shirts and pants with a black ski mask. We then came out of the washroom with two big bags and our shotguns.

As soon as we got out of the washroom I fired a shot with my shotgun to get everyone's attention.

"Listen up dykes, this is a stick up! Put your pussy-fingering, fanny-fiddling, pootang-playing, sardines-smelling, kitty-petting hands up in air. We will come around you and we will take your gold, silver, sapphire rings, jewellery, money, and any other valuable personal possesions. And we don't take personal cheques!"

Jim continued the warnings "Don't try to use your mobile because we got all mobile signals blocked. We disabled all the alarms in this building, plus the bouncers at the front door were working for us but they're gone now, so there's no one here to protect you."

Thanks to my skills in Electrical Engineering and the fact that I used to work for a phone company I was able to shield any incoming or outgoing signals. The CCTV was still on, we didn't bother because it's useless.

"By the way, the owner of the club Trisha won't know about this, because we killed her earlier today!"

When we said that, people in the crowd started to scream and cry.

"Don't try to leave this building because we got this area locked up." The bouncers we hired locked up the doors and killed the front entrance girl and the girl who collected the money.

"Remember Jim" I whispered to him "We only have 35 minutes here."

Most of the dykes in the room complied with us, except for one:

"You're not going to get any of my jewellery from me, especially my Sapphire Sisters ring you wanker!"

"Actually I will, much more easier than you think."

So I blasted her head with my shotgun. Even the most psuedo-macho dyke was screaming. Then I took her valuables and her Sapphire Sisters ring with ease.

"OK anyone else here doesn't want to cooperate with us?" I said while still having my shotgun pointed to the crowd.

Everybody cooperated with us, giving us all their valuables. Then Jim thought of something.

"Do you have your camera with you?"

"Actually yes."

"Well I got this idea from a friend of mine who works for the police in Melbourne, Australia. Back in the mid-90s they went to this gay nightclub and make them strip naked."

When I heard that I couldn't help but smile.

"OK I see where you're going with this. Go ahead and take the lead. We got 20 more minutes."

"OK you lessies, I want all of you to strip you clothes off right now and then keep your hands up, or else..." he pointed at the dead woman's body that I just shot.

I reloaded my shotgun just to show them that we were serious. They all took their clothes off and then we pulled out my camera.

"Oh this is going to be a Kodak moment, LOL" I said. We took taking pictures of those naked dykes in the clubs. One of us took the pictures while the other was pointing the shotgun at the crowd.

I tell you, I'm glad that most of those girls in the club are lesbians because no man on this earth would want to fuck them. It proved my point that most lesbians are fat, ugly, and try to act like a man. However there was quite a few that looked really fine, what a waste of pussy.

Jim said "Some of these birds here are really fit (meaning 'there are some very fine girls'), what a waste." So we took extra pictures of them :-)
Then we left them with a parting note: "Thank you for a wonderful time, I hope that you will enjoy the rest of the night, good night!"

We then quickly left the building and lock the back door so that no one else can get out or in.

Meanwhile at the club, one of the patrons said this "I can't believe that they would robbed us and striped us naked. This is bloody terrible! Things couldn't get any worse."

Then some people in the club heard something, it sounded like this: tick.....tick.....tick.....tick...BOOM!

The club was blown up, that's why I told Jim that we only had 35 minutes and that's why some people call me the 'Halifax Explosion' :-) Now that we have some money we can finally get more info on Nikki and Helen.

Oh yeah, it took the London Police and Ambulance three hours after the explosion to get there. That's British emergency service for you...

END OF PART 4, CHAPTER 2

Name: DaSolution
Title: This Bloody Island - Part 4: To Nick A Scot.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Bad Girls, they belong to Shed Productions.
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Nikki/Helen, Trisha, Al McKenzie
Rating: R
Summary: I finally catch up to Nikki and Helen

Chapter 3: Witless Protection Programme Part 2

Two days after we finally robbed Nikki's old nightclub Chix and blew it up to pieces, we were able to sell off all the jewellery and valuables that we had. It all came up to 32,000 pounds! Damn, I didn't know that these pathetic dykes were rich like that! However while looking through our loot I noticed something disturbing: there were over 50 Sapphire Sisters rings found. This is very disturbing, this isn't just a fad going on in women's prisons, this is something even bigger.

Jim paid the informant and came back to me with some more information.

"Here's what I got from the bloke. He told me that Nikki and Helen are now currently living in a cottage near Aberdeen, Scotland."

"All the way up there?"

"Yep, all the bloody way up there. Anyhow they used to own a raw seafood restaraunt."

We were silent for a second then we laughed at what he just said, you got to admit it's funny that two lezbos used to own a restaurant that served raw oysters, clams, and fish.

"Well they sold it and used that money to start a new shop. Now they own a shop called For Her Eyes Only. a woman's sex shop that specialises in women's sexual products. It's located in Aberdeen's City Centre (downtown)."

"OK good, so now you got the addresses for both places, I think we are ready to go." I said with excitement.

"Actually there's more." Jim pulled out the two most recents photos of those two Clam Diggers. They look like they didn't aged that much, must be from all the Botox they were secretly taken.

"Huh?"

"Well since they're in the Witness Protection Programme they have changed their names as well."

"Really?"

"Yes, first of all Nikki Wade has changed her name to Mandana Jones."

When he said that I was trying to hold my laughter, but it was extremely hard. I mean come on, who would take the name Mandana?

"MAN...(snicker)DANA.........(snicker)JONES! LOL" I couldn't stop laughing by then.

"Oi mate, What's so funny?"

I was still laughing when I told him

"The name man, the name! LOL! You could use it for The Name Game!" still laughing

"The Name Game? You mean that old song from Shirley Ellis?"

I finally got a little bit of my composure back "Yeah!"

Jim just couldn't help but laugh, then I started to laugh again.

"Listen to this Jim, it's a slight variation of the song:"

Mandana,
Mandana dana bo bana
Banana-fana fo fana
fe-fi-mo-manda
Mandana!

Now both of us were laughing our asses off with this. After we finally got rid of all the laughter we had in our systems, which took a while, I told Jim to continue on.

"You think that's weird, then listen to this one. Helen Stewart also changed her name to Simone Lahbib."

"Lahbib? Why an Arab last name?" I asked.

"Don't know mate."

I was looking at her photo still wondering why she would accept an Arab name as her new last name, then it hit me. I should have seen this a long time ago. The circles around her eyes that she tries to hide, the exotic wide lips of hers, the way her ears stick out, the indistinguistable shape on her nose, and the fact that she's unusually tanned for a Scot. Oh my god, Simone Lahbib is a Habib (a local word for Arabs and/or Indians in my area)! She's the daughter of a Slurpee Girl!

Since there are no 7-Elevens in the UK, let me explain to you Brits why I said that. Back in North America one common stereotype associated with Arabs and Indians, or as you Brits would call them Asians, is that they work at 7-Eleven stores since at one time most of the workers in 7-Eleven were Arabs and Indians, it's very similar to a Paki shop. That's not the case anymore they have moved up the ladder, they now work at petrol stations and doughnut shops! As well, one of the products well associated with 7-Eleven is the Slurpee, an ice slush flavoured drink that is very popular in North America, especially in Winnipeg. Thus Arabs and Indians have been called Slurpee Men/Boys and/or Slurpee Women/Girls because of their long history with 7-Eleven. I don't care what people say but Arabs and Indians are the same to me, except that Indians don't know how to make bombs.

Now the trip to Aberdeen was getting more and more interesting. I explained to Jim why she probably took an Arab name and showed him her Arab features. Amazingly she also has some Indian features as well, weird...

"You're bloody right mate, no wonder why she never talked about her mother at all when she was working at Larkhall. Let me prepare the weapons first and then we go out for a pint at a pub."

"Sounds good Jim. And Jim, I'm gonna need you for this mission."

"Jolly good mate."

"It's time for us to straighten Bandana Jones and Simone Habib out once and for all." I said.

END OF PART 4, CHAPTER 3

Name: DaSolution
Title: This Bloody Island - Part 4: To Nick A Scot.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Bad Girls, they belong to Shed Productions.
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Nikki/Helen, Trisha, Al McKenzie
Rating: R
Summary: I finally catch up to Nikki and Helen

Chapter 4: On The Way To Aberdeen

While Jim was driving to Aberdeen, I put in the CD of George Michael singing that Zip Me Up Before You Go-Go (from Part 1 of This Bloody Island ) song before I shot him in the public washroom. Jim was cracking up to it.

"I can't bloody believe it! You actually made him do that?"

"I sure did, LOL"

We laughed for a while then Jim asked me a question.

"Hey mate, I know your good with electronics, computers and machines but how did you learn how to make bombs?"

"Well Snowball taught me. We were partners in the drug trade for a while, so I taught her some things with computers and she taught me some things in explosives. Of course that was before she tried to kill me but I just recently killed her (Part 2 of This Bloody Island )."

"Bloody good, she's a manipulative bitch!”

“Yes she was, however she was very helpful at times. I gained more experience in the art of seduction.”

We didn't say anything for a while then he said "I wanted to get that bitch Helen Stewart for a while. Before she came along in Larkhall everything was fine for me there. I was shagging girls left and right and my then-wife didn't expect a thing, I was providing them a service they couldn't get anywhere else in Larkhall. Then she had to put a stop to it and during all that time she was shagging Nikki, that double-standard dyke!"

"Well you'll get your revenge tonight and that bitch deserves it." And I'll get mines too. During our conversation I was looking at a photo of me with Gossard in a fishing trip when he was visiting me in the States. All that time I was thinking to myself Don't worry Gossard, I'm gonna make Nikki pay for what she did to you.

"And we will get Nikki too." Jim said.

"Yeah, we will finally got both of those Female Faggots."

I had to bring up something about Helen that was important, so I told Jim "I did some investigation on Helen's background. Her mother is actually from Algeria but her grandfather is a sikh, and if you know anything about sikhs, they're mostly based in India and Pakistan. However I find that very weird because sikhs don't usually marry outside their religion."

"So she's also a Paki girl?" Jim responded.

"Yep. We can make fun of her with it."

We past a sign stating that Liverpool was 15 miles away, which Jim brought up another subject.

“You used to live in Liverpool for a while? What did you do there?”

“Well back in 1979 I attended school for a year there due to the foreign exchange program, but I did more than just attend school. I got interested in football, of course back home we called it soccer, don't know why. Personally I was into any sport that wasn’t Ice Hockey or Lacrosse, because back where I’m from Ice Hockey is really the only sport, which Lacross was only a substitute to do something for the summer, and I didn't like either of them. People back home weren’t into basketball yet. So I met some friends during my time in Liverpool and they were in this group. I eventually did join the group, well actually it was a firm.”

“What firm?”

“The Urchins.”

“You? A Liverpool football casual? A Scallie?”

“Yep, I was one. After all it got started in Liverpool.”

I showed him a picture of me back in 1980. I had Jheri-curls during those days (don't be gigglin', I know some of ya mutha-fuckaz had them too.) and I was wearing a Sergio Tacchini sweat top (or track top here in England) with those tight-ass Jordache jeans (back then it was the style for men to wear tight jeans, thank God it’s over), Adidas Sambas on my feet and a gold medallion around my neck. I was combining European casual with African-American sthose day, well I don’t miss tight-ass jeans and Jheri-curls...

“I didn’t think they would accepted you, because you know why...”

“Yeah that was the case at first, but after I beat up two other casuals in the firm they accepted me right away. I also proved myself after beating up a few members of Manchester United's Red Army firm. By then I was considered one of them, my race didn’t matter one bit. It helped that I was taking martial arts since I was 11 and that I was rather big and tall for my age.”

“No wonder why it takes you forever to get dress, you always have to look good.”

“And that’s what it’s all about mate. It was fun to be in that firm during that time. Liverpool was a very successful team and so we went all over Europe following the team. We -ahem- ‘took’ some of the fashionable clothes from Italy, France, Switzerland, Germany, etc. It was funny because we would start fights with other firms and usually nothing happened to us since we didn’t fit the hooligan stereotype. The police would arrest them and we would get off scott-free.”

“Interesting.”

“It sure was. Even after I left Liverpool I still kept in contact with the casuals. For the next few seasons I would go to Liverpool and join them when football season is still going on and when I had a school break. That kept on going until 1984 when I got arrested for a hooligan fight in France and I couldn't leave my country for five years. When I went back to England in 1989, it wasn't the same so I permanently stop being a Casual.”

"You had a rather interesting life."

"Yeah, I enjoyed every minute of it." I said with a smile.

I then put on Rick Ross “Push It” and as soon as Jim heard it, he was nuts.

“Why are you playing this bloody rubbish in my car! You know I can’t stand rap! Because it’s like what you North Americans would say ‘crap’.”

“Relax man, you don’t have listen to the lyrics, I don’t. I just listen to the beats, because it gets me pumped up to fuck up mother fuckers.”

So Jim took my advice an started to listen. By the time we got to Aberdeen we were pumped up and ready to kick some ass.

END OF PART 4, CHAPTER 4

Chapter 5: The Deil Cam Fiddlin' Through the Toun/The Last Drag King of Scotland (Pick your choice, my favourite is the second one)

We finally arrived at their cottage near Aberdeen around 10 PM, it was dark and cold outside. It was a ten hour drive, eight if it wasn't for the traffic in London. The cottage was actually big by British home standards, looks like they're making some serious money. It had a very beautiful garden, it wouldn't surprise me that Nikki was the one who made the garden. There wasn't more about the house that I could tell because it was dark already.

"We should have brought some jumpers. It's rather cold here."

"Yeah, we should have brought some sweaters."

Jim was impressed himself. "Wow, I wonder how many rich old ladies they slept with to get this house." We both chuckled.

We saw some lights, so we expected someone to be home.

"Let me go and check to see if anyone is home." I said.

"OK"

So we sneek up to one of the windows on the front side of the house, and saw a fat male watching TV. However knowing them it couldn't be a male in the house, then I got a closer look and recognised who it was.

"Who do you see?" Jim said as I peeped in the window.

"I think I see Al McKenzie." Al McKenzie: A former inmate of Larkhall who is now their bodyguard/nanny (and a bad one)/housekeeper/handywoman/part-time employee of their shop/'male partner' in their threesomes...EEWWW, who would want to have sex with that? If you want to see what 85% of the total dyke population in the world looks like, then Al will be your perfect example: fat, ugly and act like they got a dick.

"Oh her... Thanks to that bloody bitch I nearly got in trouble."

"Are you talking about the Barbara O'Kane murder?"

"Yes."

"Well they still haven't found out who did it. I only knew becaue Maxi told me when I was shagging her."

"Oh"

If Al didn't kill her already I would have, since she and Yvonne Atkins were feuding each other and my loyalty is with Yvonne.

"OK Jim, get yourself ready, we're gonna take care of Al."

So I got The Solution ready and Jim got a Louisville Slugger baseball bat. We rang the doorbell and Al was coming.

"Fa is it?" (Who is it?)

"It's Scotty, open th' duirrrr fore th' ship about to blaw'!" (It's Scotty, open the door(rolling r) before the ship is about to blow!) I was doing my impression of Scotty from Star Trek.

Al got really upset with that one, she opened the door and stepped out saying:

"Fa is th' wiseguy arrroond haur?" (Who's the wiseguy around( rolling r) here?)

She didn't know that I was close to her until she turned her head towards my direction. As soon as she turned her head I hit her with The Solution on her tits. She flew two metres across the hall. She was screaming in pain. Then I came up to that fat haggis-eating Scottish crap.

"Good day to ya lassie, or in your case laddy, LOL" I said.

" Oh no, it's th' deil himself" (Oh no, it's the devil himself)

"Yeah you're looking at the devil you stupid Scottish punk."

"You actually understand Scottish dialect?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, don't forget I'm from an area that is very strong in Scottish culture and also I spent some time in Cape Breton."

Jim then grabbed her by her throat and said to her "I've been waiting a long time to do this, you've nearly got me in trouble because of what you did to Barbara O'Kane. Now you're going to end up just like her. Since you want to BE LIKE A MAN you're gonna take a BEATING LIKE A MAN!"

So Jim took The Solution from me and beat the shit out ouf her stupid Scottish ass. I just sat back and watch this one, Jim had more issues with her than me.

"Let me remind you what you are, you fat, ugly, hairy-armpits, tuna-smelling homo." Jim said to her and then he twisted her nipples. She was screaming in utter pain.

Then he said "I know you want to be a man, you want to be able to pee while standing up, to scratch your ball, not to have to use any douche bags or tampons."

"I don't think she ever used a douch bag or tampon in her life Jim."

"I wouldn't be surprised." He responed back.

The he grabbed the branding iron and burned "UGLY" on her forehead. I thought that was appropriate.

He then told her "Are you jealous that I was able to shag Maxi and you couldn't?"

"How could she? She ain't got no dick!" I responded.

When she heard that she started to cry, well so much for being a bully. We just laughed at her. After that he filled the sink with water and put her head in it, drowning her like how she drowned Barbara. Then I thought of something better.

"Hey Jim, use this for that bloated bitch instead. It's made for those flannel-shirt wearing, skinhead-looking, Indigo Girls-listening, out-of-shape dykes, like Al." I passed the Raging Bulldagger to him and then he stabbed her right in the gut. In a matter of minutes she was dead.

"We need to put the body somewhere." Jim said with great concern on his face.

"There's only one place to put her body in.' I said.

"The closet?"

"Yep"

So we dumped her body in the closet.

"Ok now we wait for Nikki and Helen. Let's clean up any blood stains as best as we can."

"OK"

We eventually cleaned up the blood stains to prepare for the next blood bath...

END OF PART 4, CHAPTER 5

Name: DaSolution
Title: This Bloody Island - Part 4: To Nick A Scot.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Bad Girls, they belong to Shed Productions. Those two little lezbos Jessica Sammler and Katherine Singer belonged to the creators of the TV show "Once And Again", that was until I killed them! LOL! Nikki Wade/Mandana Jones is also the property of the Phony Lesbian Acting Association. Helen Stewart/Simone Lahbib is also the property of 7-Eleven Internation Corp.
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Nikki/Helen, Trisha, Al McKenzie
Rating: R
Summary: I finally catch up to Nikki and Helen

Chapter 7: The Moment I've Been Waiting For

While we were still taunting and teasing Helen we heard another car coming up to the cottage, so I quickly look out on the front window and judging by that lanky figure with those fake-ass silicon tits sticking out it couldn't be no other than that dumb, dirty, disgusting, despicable, douche bottle drinking, diesel dyke-wannabe Nikki Wade herself.

"Oh hell yeah, the bitch is finally here. Let's hide Jim and pull Helen out of the way so that she won't see her."

Right now Helen was tied up to a chair with a new rag in her mouth. It was actually that fruitty gay rainbow flag that I farted on. I was waiting behind the kitchen wall right by the hallway. Nikki came inside the cottage started to walk in the hallway when she noticed the smell of Al's dead body. God I wish Al took a bath and douched before we killed her.

"Oh something smells awful here. I thought the lum (chimney) was cleaned last week."

As she walked further into the hallway and was about to enter in the kitchen she heard Helen's mufflings. It was rather loud, she was trying to warn Nikki of entering in the kitchen. She paused for a second.

"Is that you dear?"

I looked at Jim directly, hoping he could read my face telling him to shut Helen up. Jim read it and pointed a gun to her head.

"Shut your fucking mouth." He whispered to her.

As soon as she stepped in the kitchen, I quickly grabbed that grass-munching bitch, twirling her around 180 degrees and slammed that gay bitch on the wall. Amazingly enough she only hit the left side of her face, thus she didn't break her nose, but I bet her left cheekbone is cracked. She then stumbled onto the floor, holding her chest and the left side of her face, she was crying and moaning, some blood was coming out of her mouth. Helen tried to scream through the rag and started to cry so Jim smacked her. It was only fitting that I introduce myself to Nikki.

"Good day Nikki Wade, I mean Banana Jones." I purposely said her name wrong.

She was holding her face still and had her eyes closed when I spoke to her, she then replied "It's Mandana, and who can that be? That voice sounds very familiar."

"Open your eyes."

She eventually opened her eyes, and when she saw me she looked like she just saw her worse nightmare, which is true.

"No, No, It's can't be! IT CAN'T BE! GOD PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE!" Tears were really running down her face. She finally met the person whom she and Helen/Simone was trying to run away from. She joined Frances' group to put an end to me and I know she was one of the people in the group because I hacked into their server and saw a listings of all the people. I killed all that were on the list but these two Cherry Smackers.

"Hell yeah it's me bitch!"

"This couldn't be happening? What could be worse?" Nikki said while tears were flowing down her face. I grabbed Nikki by her throat and straighten her up, then she saw Jim Fenner.

"Hello Nikki, I mean Basketball Jones."

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Now she was scared shitless. While she was screaming I pimpsmack her then Jim joined in and pimpsmack her too. We alternated pimpsmacking her, watching her bob back and forth like a ping-pong ball. After our left hands got tired (we're both lefties) I took out The Solution and beat the shit out of her:

"This is for eating too much pussy, CRACK!"

"And this is for joining Frances' group to stop me, CRACK!"

"And this is for being so dumb to join the Witless Protection Program, CRACK!"

"And this is for choosing the name Mandana, CRACK CRACK CRACK!"

"And this is for killing Officer Gossard, a close friend of mine, CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK!"

By now she was hardly standing up, so I kicked her down the small steps that connected the kitchen to the den and her face fell right on the rug. I then ask for Jim's assistance and we had her pinned to the carpet.

"Well since people like you are called 'carpet munchers', you shouldn't have any problems when we do this to you."

I then squeeze her cheecks so that her tongue will stick out. With me squeezing her cheecks with one hand and grabbing her hair on the other, and Jim holding her body with his hands we dragged her tongue all over the carpet. Her tongue had carpet burns and she was in pain.

"Why are you complaining, it's just like having public hair on your tongue after you finish snacking on Helen Habib!"

Then we ran her face all over the carpet and now her face has carpet burns, but we weren't done with her yet.

We brough her back to the kitchen, tied her up and then I thought of something. I told Jim to bring the mouse trap and he did.

"Look here Indiana Jones."

"It's Mandana!"

"Whatever Indy." She looked at me with hate when I said Indy. "Indiana Jones would be a more appropriate name because right now you're in our Temple of Doom. Remember that scene when Indiana had to drink the blood from the skull?"

"Don't tell me you're gonna make me drink someone else's blood!"

"No, but you might be drinking your own blood after we do this:"

I then squeezed her cheecks again (just like the scene from the Temple of Doom) and her tongue sticked out, then Jim placed the mouse trap under her tongue and the trap went off. Her tongue was swollen and blood was coming out of it, she was now screaming in agony. Helen was probably screaming through the rag "STOP IT! STOP IT!" We were laughing the whole time.

"Let me take care of Helen." Jim said.

"Go ahead Jim." Jim went to get something that would take care of her alright.

"Now you won't be Tipping the Velvet anymore like Rachael Stirling. Speaking of that bitch, you're a good testing ground for what I'm gonna do to Rachael when I see her. I don't like her as much as I don't like you Mandela Jones."

"Itz Mahndahnah!" she was trying to say with a swollen tongue. "EM-AEE-EN-DEE-AEE-EN-AEE!"

Then I punched her in the mouth. "Shut da fuck up bitch! But you're right, I couldn't mistaken the name of a diginified leader who is respected by the whole world with a low-life, tongue-twisting, fiancee-stealing, homewrecking lezbo."

Then Jim came back with a branding iron for Helen. When Helen saw the branding iron she started to scream and cry frantically throught the rag. We both were smiling like the Joker from Batman.

"Put it on her." I said

"My pleasure." He responded.

He then burned "HABIB" on Helen's forehead and then pulled out a hand mirror to show it to Helen, she really started to cry.

Nikki was screaming at me for what I did, even with her limped tongue.

"YOU BLOODY FUCKING EVIL BASTARD! I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!" she was then crying hysterically, I think that's what she was saying, her tongue was still swollen. So I got another gay flag, I mean rag, laid a nasty fart on it and then put it in her mouth. We were getting tired so we decided to take a break. I went in the fridge and found some food. I don't know why but Jim wanted to ask her a question, so he took the rag out of her mouth.

"So now how does it feel to have a limp tongue? Kinda like having a limp penis, innit? You feel useless now don't you? You can't do anymore quimling (muff diving) can you?" Jim said with his usual wiseguy antics.

"Fuck you, you old worn-out evil bastard." And she spit on him, it was mixed with blood.

That really got him mad, so as I saw him about to punch her in the stomach I tried to warn him.

"NO JIM! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!"

But he did it and a huge hairball came out of Nikki's mouth. It was the size of a tennis ball and it was covered with blood, spit, phlem, bile...man it looked very nasty and ugly! However it wasn't as nasty and ugly-looking as Sally Hawkins (or Mischa Barton.) It hit Jim right on his face, some of it was on his lips. She probably ate some bitch that had Yeast Infection, EEWWWW! Man those lesbians are worse than cats...

Nikki's face was now blushing red from the incident. "Oops, sorry..."

Jim had to wipe his face off then he came back.

"You gonna pay for that you hairball-spitting, cunt-juice drinking bitch." Hey, he's taking some of my words from my vocabulary!

I told Jim not to go crazy and told him to take a break. So we went in the fridge and found some more food. By this time Nikki's tongue wasn't so badly swollen, and thus she could speak better.

"Fish curry?" I said puzzingly.

"It's Helen's favourite."

"I'm not surprised..."

Helen just looked at me with an evil look, I just laughed it off. Then I found something else in the fridge.

"Hmm, New England Clam Chowder? I wonder who eats this?..." Me and Jim looked at Nikki with a smirk, she just look back at me with disgust and said "Piss off!"

Then I said "When you eat your Clam Chowder, do you put alfalfa sprouts on top of it just for...how can I say it?... 'garnishing?' I said with a smile on my face.

Nikki just looked at me and said "You just don't stop do you?"

"Nope. Just like you don't stop eating pussy and fingering bitches." I said like a smart ass.

Then I went to the cupboard so I can get myself a drink. Then I saw something very interesting, a signatured Jessie and Katie mug with their foreheads touching each other and looking at each other deeply after "The Kiss" on that gay-ass American TV show Once And Again . ("The stupid mother-fucking kiss" is more like it.)

"Is this your cup." I asked Nikki.

"Yes, I got it when I met them at San Francisco a week before some bloody bastard killed them." She look at me with death in her eyes. "I used to be in their British fan club."

I pretty much ignored her anger and then I said "Oh yeah, I remembered San Francisco, it was an interesting place."

"Yeah, too interesting for you so you had to nuke it, you arse-hole!"

"Ahhh, did you really miss that place?" I said with a mocking sad expression.

She didn't say anything but gave me an angry look.

So I grabbed the mug and nonchalantly dropped it on the floor, it shattered all over the floor.

Nikki then said to me angrily "Is that all you good at? Destroying and killing everything?"

"The fuck do you mean bitch?"

"You know exactly what I mean. You kill any and every queer you can get to. Everybody know about what you did to Saffron Burrows and Alan Cummings and what you did to Jessie and Katie, but you've done a lot more evil."

"Like what?"

"Like when you blew up the OutRage office, assisted Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe in arresting and killing more queers in Zimbabwe, told Sasha Baron Cohen (of Da Ali G/Borat fame) who was queer in the entertainment industry and now he too is also blackmailing us. Helped the Jamaicans in killing and burning gay people, planned to crash Elton John's wedding, and there are some rumours that you've trained Muslim extremists. There's many more I know about."

"Now what a minute, I've done some good here in England. I blew up the National Front and British National Party headquarters and killed their leaders." The National Front and the British National Party are the British version of the KKK, I don't like those mother fuckers one bit.

"Yeah that's true but you've still done a lot more wrong."

"Like what Jim's about to do to you now. Besides, to be honest with you I would rather be doing what I'm doing right now than making car insurance commercials." Jim came out with a branding iron and Nikki was now terrified. I knew there was going to be a lot of screaming so I put the rag back in her mouth.

"We got a special one for you, Mandingo Jones." Jim said.

I stopped her before she was going to correct him. I then told Jim "Don't confuse the name of a strong, dignifed, and powerful African tribe with the name of a slut who belongs to a pathetic group that ain't worth shit in the gene pool. There's only two reasons why those people exist: 1) To give everyone else something to laugh at. 2) To make the rest of us feel better about ourselves, because we're not them."

"Sorry bout that." he said and then he went to burn "DEAD DYKE" on her forehead. Helen saw the label and started to scream too (the rag was still in her mouth). We showed it to Nikki and she started to cry.

"Too bad there really isn't a Well of Lonliness, because if there was one I would have thrown both of you Clam Diggers in there, but instead we'll have to kill you." I said.

"Now it's time Jim." so I pulled out the Raging Bulldagger. Nikki had that big-ass mole on her left cheek that always irritated me, so I cut it off her face. She screamed when I did it but I didn't give a fuck. Both Helen and Nikki were now sweating bullets and I was about to stab those two Human Lawnmowers, however I saw an empty bottle on the counter top and it made me think of something better. I took the empty bottle and smashed it, leaving me with a broken piece of bottle. When Nikki saw that, she knew exactly why I did that.

"Remember what you did to Gossard? I saw the CCTV tape of it and I'll never forget what I saw and I'll never forgive you for what you've done."

I then used my right hand to push Nikki's right side of her head to the left, exposing her right side of the neck.

The time has come for this bitch to pay and I made her pay big time. However I told her one last thing before her eventual fate: "Do you know what?"

"What?" she said through the rag.

"Shit happens."

I stuck the broken bottle right at her neck causing blood to gush out everywhere. Since Helen was on Nikki's right side the blood got on her. Now Helen was beyound hysterical, she was screaming 'NO!' through the rag and crying like a waterfall.

Jim said to me "I know how to shut her up once and for all."

"Really how?"

"I'm gonna give her a 'personalised bindhi'." I know what a bindhi is, but one that's personalised?

"How do you do that Jim?"

"Watch and see."

Jim then stepped about two metres away from Helen. He pulled out his gun and shot her dead in the middle of the head. And that's what a 'personalise bindhi' is folks. Both of them are now totally dead. I then noticed that both of them had Sapphire Sisters rings on. I would expect Nikki but not Helen, now I'm very scared. Could there be a comeback? I took the rings by the way.

Jim looked at me and said "Well you did say that the only way to cure those people is a bullet in the head."

"True indeed Jim, true indeed."

"Hey, why don't we put a bomb on Helen? I mean she's partially Arab and that's what they do best: blowing themselves up."

"Nah, that takes some time to set up. I prefer burning."

Both of them are now dead but we weren't done yet. We still had some more work to do.

END OF PART 4, CHAPTER 7

This chapter has been brought to you by the Phony Lesbian Acting Association: We're not dykes in real life, but it sure makes our resumes (CV) look better!

Name: DaSolution
Title: This Bloody Island - Part 4: To Nick A Scot.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Bad Girls, they belong to Shed Productions.
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Nikki/Helen, Trisha, Al McKenzie
Rating: R
Summary: I finally catch up to Nikki and Helen

Chapter 8: A Journey Into The Closet/Burning Down The House (pick your favourite)

We wanted to do more than just kill those two Tongue-Twisters, we wanted to burn their cottage down. So we went to the bookshelves and found some dumb books written by dumb dykes. Rita Mae Brown, Jeanette Winterson, Sarah Waters, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Virginia Woolf, Radclyff Hall, Jane Rule, and many other sluts. The books were Whistle Stop Cafe, Fried Green Tomatoes, Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, Fingersmith, Rubyfruit Jungle, The Well Of Lonliness, Deserts Of The Heart , and many other lezbo trash written by these heffas. We then threw them all in a pile.

We then got pictures and artwork from all over the house. There were some artwork of Georgia O'Keefe, Frida Kohl, and many others. We also got pictures of Nikki and Helen with other celebrities and they were many of them. It was pictures of them with Martina Navratolova (however the fuck you spell her name), Billy Jean King, Samantha Fox (your day will come), Kylie Minogue (her day already came), the four cast members of Sex In The City , Sophie Ward, Melissa Etheridge, Nelly Furtado, Christina Aguillera, Jenna Jameson, Nikki Cox, Stephanie Swift, Katrina from Katrina and the Waves, Elton John, George Michael, Saffron Burrows, Ellen Degenerate, Lousy O'Donnell, and many others. We then threw in the same pile with the books.

"Hey didn't you kill Martina, Kylie, and that bulldagger Billy Jean King." Jim interrupted.

"Yep, those bring me back some golden memories."

Then we went in their bedroom and found a few more pictures. I guess they were special since they're in the bedroom. There was one of Nikki and Helen with Jessie and Katie, it was signed by both Jessie and Katie. It said on it 'Thanks for being a trailblazer for all of us and for you frienship, Jessica Sammler and Katherine Singer'. I don't know about her being a trailblazer, but in a matter of minutes she will be in a blazing fire! We got those and put them in the pile. Then I saw in the pile a Celtic football team jersey, it must belong to Helen. I fucking hate Celtic, Rangers all the way! (well not really, my favourite Scottish team is actually Aberdeen). So I sneezed and spit on it like the dirty rag it is.

Then we went into the bedroom again and found some tapes and DVDs. They had TV shows like Ellen, The L Word, South of Nowhere, The O.C., Will and Grace, Metrosexuality, Are You Being Served, Buffy The Vampyre Slayer, Noah's Ark, Queer As Folk (US and UK), and of course all eight seasons of Bad Girls. They also had movies like Tipping The Velvet, Desert Hearts, D.E.B.S., It's In The Water, The Adventures of Two Girls In Love, Loving Annabelle, Imagine You and Me, When Night Is Fallen, Lianna, Fingersmith, Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, Lesbian Anal Licking Parade....

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Me and Jim just looked at each other.

Then we finally made that journey that no men has gone before, but of course quite a few women did. I'm talking about none other than the journey to Nikki and Helen's closet. Boy did we find some interesting stuff in there... We found some lubricants, vibrators, dildos (especialy one with double heads), strap-ons, anal beads....ANAL BEADS?! EEWWW!

"Jim this is some nasty shit!"

"Yeah, that thing probably had quite a lot on it too." Jim said with his smart remarks.

"These kinky dykes are really into buggery (sodomy)!" he added.

We also found a buttplug...no comment! There were a lot more lesbian porn videos and magazines, and sex books including Anal Pleasures in the closet. Now I see why no men has gone in there before, it's hazardous to their healths! So we got all those stuff (while wearing rubber gloves) and threw them on the pile.

"I think we got everything." Jim said.

"I think so too, let me get the gasoline." So I went and brought back two tanks of gasoline and I gave one to Jim. I poured the gasoline on the pile while Jim poured the gasoline on Nikki and Helen's bodies. Then we poured the remaing gasoline all over the house. I lit the match and then the whole house was on fire.

"Bloody hell! We finally did it!" Jim said in excitement.

"Yeah we sure did. Now we need to go to their business."

-----------------------

30 minutes later we were in downtown Aberdeen in front of their building For Her Eyes Only . They had security but you already know about British security. Ten minutes later we were already inside. We went around looking to see what the store had to offer. We saw lesbian novels, tv-shows, movies, porn (videos and books), feminine hygiene, lingerie, didos, vibrators, strap ons, turkey basters...TURKEY BASTERS?!

"I DON'T WANNA KNOW! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!"

Me and Jim were stunned when we saw turkey basters, we decided right then and there that we need to blow this mother fucking place up! So I set the explosives to detonate in 15 minutes and we left the place in a hurry.

"BOOM!"

The place exploded and we left Aberdeen as quickly as we can. We were very tired but we drove straight to London, making only one stop to switch drivers. We were there by 11 AM the next day. We finally arrived at Jim's house and we went straight to bed, we were both dead tired.

The next day I packed my bags and was planning to leave Jim's place. Jim walked in.

"Are you sure you wanna take a break now?"

"Well there's Sheena Williams and Pat Kerrigan that I want to finish off, but that can wait for another time."

"Actually leave that to me, I want to finish off those two. Besides that, you got everything right?"

"I double checked, I got everything."

"Well phone me when you're around London again."

"OK I will"

And with that I left Jim's house. I was just planning to leave London entirely but when I was near a house my gaydar device was going off like crazy.

"Maybe I should check that place out."

END OF PART 4, CHAPTER 8

Name: DaSolution
Title: This Bloody Island - Part 4: To Nick A Scot.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Bad Girls, they belong to Shed Productions. Those two fish eaters Jesminder "Jess" Bhamra and Juliette "Jules" Paxton belong to that overrated director Gurinder Chadha. David Beckham is owned and whipped by Posh Spice, big time. Apu Naswerwfsadfwerfwe or whatever his last name is owned by The Simpsons and Gracie Films. Those two little lezbos Jessica Sammler and Katherine Singer belonged to the creators of the TV show "Once And Again", that was until I killed them! LOL!
Fandom: Bad Girls
Pairing: Nikki/Helen, Trisha, Al McKenzie, Jess/Jules
Rating: R
Summary: I finally catch up to Nikki and Helen

Chapter 9: Smash Them Like Sachin

I got into the house that my gaydar was beeping like crazy and at first I really didn't hear anything. This must be an Indian house because I can smell curry all over the place. I started to investigate the house, but as far as I can see no one is downstairs, so I went upstairs. Then I started to look in the rooms upstairs, I didn't find anything until I started to hear noise in one of the rooms. I then entered in the room, it looks like the room of a grown couple. There was nothing in the room but then I head some sounds coming from the closet... My gaydar was confirming this.

"Oh shit, it's time for me to straighten out the situation."

As I prepare myself for the worse I begin to recognise the sounds a little bit better. It sounds like two girls talking and probably kissing, so I decided to crack the closet door a bit more and listen.

"We may be in here but this feels like heaven to me Jules." Jess said.

"So do I Jess. I don't know why we waited so long to do this, we wanted each other for a long time."

"I love you so much, I just wish our parents can understand how much we love each other." Yeah right! If they found out..

"Jess if loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right." Haven't I heard this before?...(PART 3 OF THIS BLOODY ISLAND)

"Neither do I. I love looking at those bright and piercing eyes of yours. I adore touching that soft and warm skin of yours. I feel intoxicated when I feel your warm breath on my neck. I admire the radiance and whiteness of your skin. I..."

I think I had enough, I'm looking at the Cockney version of Jessie and Katie, and their fate is gonna end the same way Jessie and Katie's fate ended five years ago: through brutal pain. So I kicked the door and surprised them.

"Aha! I knew it all along!"

Jess was surprised and somewhat confused, she didn't know who I was. However Jules was nervous and was shaking like a crack-addict.

"Do you want me to finish off what Apu's daughter was about to say?"

They didn't say a word.

So I continued while mimicking a young girl's voice "OK let me continue. I admire the whiteness of you skin because I want to be white myself. I love eating chutney between you thighs because it gives it a more tangy taste. I think about you all the time when I'm working at Kwik-E-Mart making Chutney Squishees. I want you to be there for me when I have cramps. I want to have your knickers so I can smell your funk and then wear it. I love you so much because you're white. I'm willing to scratch your fanny when you need it and still eat foods with my hands."

Don't get me wrong people, I have nothing against Indians (Asians for you Brits), I just tease them to get to their heads. As for white people well that's a different story...

By this time both Jess and Jules were angry at me, I didn't care.

"Who are you?" Jess asked, I was gonna answer but Jules beat me to it.

"He's a very dangerous man, Jess. He specialises in humiliating, tourturing and killing queers. He's the one who killed the Russian duo T.a.T.u."

"Yeah bitch I sure am, besides who the fuck do you think I am? David Beckham? Nah, I prefer cricket over soccer (well that's not true but as well...) I don't bend it like Beckham, I smash it like Sachin!" Sachin Tedulkar is a very popular cricket player who broke many batting records in Cricket.

Jules started to cry "Please don't use The Solution on us! Please!"

She already knows about The Solution? Damn does the word gets around here fast. I guess they do use their mouths for something else besides eating pussy. So I pull out my modified titanium-core cricket bat The Solution and smacked the shit out of Jules.

"Shut da fuck up bitch, you little twat-eating nympho!"

Then I started to beat the shit out of those two Tiny Twats. They were now crying, but I didn't give a fuck. So I dragged them out the closet by their necks. I then had a few words for Jess.

"Why are you crying Dyke of Delhi? I'm just doing what you're parents would have done if they weren't busy wasting their lives at Kwik-E-Mart making Tandoori Chicken Squishees. They would have torn your roti-flapping ass up if they found out you like fish curry."

Jules then look at me with disgust and said "You are despicable."

"Not as despicable as what I'm gonna do to you, Daffy Duck."

So I punched her in the face and pimpsmacked Jess. Then I brought those two Little Lezbos to the steps and kicked both of them down the steps. They were in serious pain by now, so I picked them up, brought them back upstairs and then kick them down again just for the hell of it. I was laughing my ass off when they were tumbling down.

I went downstairs, pick those two bitches up, brought them back upstairs and lined them up on a window. Then Jess said something she would regret.

"I'm looking forward to the day that women can pregnate each other so we don't have to give birth to male homophobic bastards like you." Jules said with her sardine-smelling smart mouth.

I got really upset with her so I gave her a stunning high kick. She flew out of the window and landed on the concrete with her head busted like a cantalope.

Jess looked outside and started to scream, so I smack that slut and now I know I had to finish her off, so I told Jess "It's time for me to give you a 'personalise bindhi'."

"What's that?"

"You'll find out."

So I pull out my gun and said these parting words from a not-so-wise man in the Simpsons.

"Thank you, come again." I said trying to mimick Apu's accent. I shot her dead in the middle of the head, blood and brain matter were pouring out.

After I finished killing those two, I got what I could of Jules body from outside and put it next to Jess' body. I then poured gasoline on their dead bodies and lit a match. The bodies were on fire and about 20 minutes later the whole house was. Another job well done.

Now what should I do next? Slaughter Samantha Fox? Slap that ugly bitch Sally Hawkins til she turns pretty? Brutalise Sophie Ward? Kill off the rest of those people here on this God-forsaken island?

Better yet I know someone who I should kill and everybody on this country will celebrate, especially Scotland: Tony Blair, he's a total joke and a big America ass-kissing jerk.

However no matter what my next move is, those people should fear for their lives when I'm on This Bloody Island.

THIS BLOODY END