A Big Surprise For Spencer, Ashley, and Aiden

Summary - There's a big surprise for Spencer, Ashley, and Aiden in store.

Raiting - M

It was you typical boring segment of Spencer, Ashley and Aiden arguing with each other, this time it's in Ashley's room.

"Who do you love Ashley?" Spencer said for the 274th time in the series.

"I Don't Know, I Don't Know" The typical answer you expect from a bisexual like Ashley.

Right now I guess Aiden is in the washroom or something since he isn't around.

Here I was at home watching this crap that I see in front of my TV screen. I was thinking about asking my cable company to get rid of The-N channel, but something else came in my mind.

"Hmm, It's been like five years since I killed Jessie and Katie and two years since I killed Marissa and Alex and buried Claire alive Six Feet Under. It's time for me to straighten this situation out."

So I jumped into the TV screen (I got a special TV screen that allows me to do that) and both Spencer and Ashley were shock to see me in their room.

"Who the fuck are you?" Spencer said to me.

"I think I know who he is. He's the one who killed Jessie and Katie in Chicago, Illinois, and Marissa and Alex in Orange County, but those two deserved to die."

"I agree with you on that one, people thanked me for killing Marissa and Alex. As for Jessie and Katie it was Evanston Illinois, north of Chicago, and what I did to those two Pussy Pals ain't nothing like what I'm gonna do to both of you." I responded, don't know why I bothered to correct them.

"Doesn't matter really, cause right now I'm about to kick both of your gay asses." The both started to scream and tried to run but I was too quick for them to react, and so I slammed both of them against the wall face first twice, then I hog tied both of the girls.

"First of all since I know you two like labels I'm gonna put a permanent label on both of you two Rug Munchers."

So I grabbed my branding irons that were well headed and I burned "DYKE" on Spencer's forehead, then I burned "FLAKY" on Ashley's forehead.

"Do you want to know the real reason why Danso Gordon left this show?"

"Why" the Ellen Twins said in unison.

"Because I told him his acting skills were better than this lezbo crap."

I have to admit, South of Nowhere does a better job of portraying African-Americans than most mainstream shows, but that's no excuse for these Female Faggots to exist at all. So I first grab Spencer by her hair and threw her against the wall and then started to pimpsmack her ugly ass, hoping that she would turn beautiful.

"Do you wanna also know why I'm here Spencer?"

"Why"?

"Because your mother sent me here to straighten you out, but to be honest with you I don't think that's humanly possible. She's very disappointed with you already, as fine and good-looking as your mother is how did she gave birth to your ugly ass?"

OK so I lied, big deal. I used the situation between Spencer and her mother, who is against her homosexuality to fuck with Spencer's useless brain.

"This is for having a boy's name, SMACK!"

"And this is for being from Ohio, SMACK!"

"And this is for forcing us to watch Ellen's ugly ass and Rosie's fat obnoxious ass, SMACK!

"And this is for being so god damn ugly, SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Well at least you ain't as ugly as Mischa Barton."

"You wanna know something else Tuna Breath?" referring to Spencer who is crying like the carpet-munching bitch she is.

"Your mother got a sweet pussy. I was hitting it last night, it was so good she was asking me for more, your father couldn't do that." OK so I also got a thing for older women (aka MILFs), and yes I coming back for seconds ;)

Then wallflower Aiden came out of the washroom, that mother fucker should close the door, god damn he stank this joint up.

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing."

"Slapping the shit out of Spencer."

"Dude I don't care what you do with Spencer, but if you mess with Ashley I'm gonna so kill you."

"No you got that wrong, I'm gonna so kill you bitch."

Aiden got pissed and tried to throw a punch at me, I blocked it and then threw a combo that made him see stars. Then I gave him a side kick to the stomach and then picked him up by his hair. I was behind him holding his dumb ass up when I went into my right pocket and pulled out the Raging Bulldagger. Yes the Raging Bulldagger, a strong and sturdy dagger with a bull's head at the bottom and decorated with sapphires on one side and black triangles on another. Usually I use this for mean and man-looking, beard-growing, non-armpit shaving, men-underwear-wearing feminist diesel dykes but I couldn't find anything else in my house. I need to clean up my house someday. So I pulled out the dagger and slit his throat, he died right at the spot.

"Oh my fucking god! You killed Aiden you bastard!" Ashley screamed.

"That was actually quick and painless, he was just in the way. What I'm gonna do to you two Pussy Pals won't be so quick and painless." So I next grab Ashley, that dirty bisexual.

"I see that you like to swing both ways, so I'm gonna introduce you to something that also 'swing both ways': my baseball bat." So I pulled out my Louisville Slugger and beat the shit out of her.

"This is for being so flaky in the show, CRACK!"

"And this is for ABC, Bravo, Logo, here!, the Q Network, and of course The-N, CRACK!"

"And this is for being a bisexual, CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!" that actually included a few shots in the head.

After that I grabbed Ashwipe and slammed her throught the table. By then both of the Dyke Duo were crying and whining so much my ears were ringing. So I found two dirty rags (rainbow flags) and spit on both of them. I tried to shoved it down their throats but their throats were full of hairball they got from eating each other out. Then I thew those two Clam Diggers in the closet, where they belong (it's expensive to ship them to the island of Lesbos.) poured gasoline on them and lit the match. I also threw in their DVDs of The L Word, Bad Girls, Once and Again, Ellen and any other crap that dumb dykes on AfterEllen(dot)com watches.

"BOOM!"

The closet was in fire and eventually so was the rest of the house. I left the house satisfied with a job well done.

"Well my job is done here, hmm let's see where I go next...Bad Girls, Nip/Tuck, One Tree Hill, Painkiller Jane, or better yet The L Word! There's enough lesbians and bisexuals there to keep me busy, Kristanna Loken and Laurel Holloman I'm paying a visit to both of you skanks! (Who knows, I might stop by to pay a visit to Christina Aguilerra and that Canadian Crap Nelly Furtado)

LOL.